get well soon...

to kam:

hey bro, really sorry to hear bout your dad. seeing him in the hospital today, i can't imagine how it must be like for you and your family to bear these past few days. just have faith and everything will be fine... i really can't think of anything else to say...

bro, if you need anything at anytime, just give me a call ok?

take care. and take care of your mum k?

hope your dad gets well soon...

update...

relief...

i guess that best explains my feelings right now. although i didn't have the best of finishes in uniten, but the relief i felt after the paper was overwhelming. i said i didn't have the best of finishes coz it was indeed one of the worst final papers i have ever had in uniten. the paper had 3 questions - one took me and hour to complete, one was bloody confusing and the other, i have no idea how to solve.

so, mechatronics, you've spoilt it for me.

but, no matter how the paper was, once i stepped out of the exam hall, all i could think of was the times that i've had in uniten. the good and the bad times. i still remember the nervous wreck that i was when i sat for my fist paper in this hall. and now, i'm stepping out of it for the last time.

anyway, i didn't have much time to think about how i was feeling after the paper. once i got home, i rushed to get my bags packed and before long, i was on the plane to kuantan, pahang. from there i was picked up and about 90 minutes later, i'm in kemaman, terengganu.

like i've said, i was there for an interview, a practical screening. and from what i've seen, the job is definitely a challenge. however, i do have a feeling that the true challenge will be whether i do accept the job when it is offered. i've always known that the job will be tough. i always felt that it is the kind that i would enjoy. but i do have some doubt - if i have what to takes to perform.

anyway, it's getting really late and i've gotta be up early tomorrow to continue my final year project. have some post processing to do. i know i'm jumping here and there with this post, but i'm exhausted right now. and i dun think there is much of a point in talking about the job until it's offered. so, finger's crossed...

till next time, good night and sweet dreams...

this is it...

this is it...

5 more hours to my final examination... my final paper after 4 years in uniten. i actually visualized this moment during my first semester. and now that it's finally here, it seems surreal. probably coz i'm just too tired. or maybe it's also because, it suddenly didn't seem to be such a big deal.

life goes on...

anyway, as soon as i finish my paper tomorrow, i will have to start packing as i'm flying over to kemaman, terengganu for a field assessment. basically, it's a practical screening for one of the job interviews that i've been attending. wish me luck!

that's a pretty good way to end my years as an undergraduate huh? anyway, my flight is at 1710 hours and i'll be flying back to kl the next day at 1830 hours. so it's gonna be kinda hectic for me - especially with my final year project presentation next tues (170407).

well, that's enough break for now. i need to get back to my books. i wanna end my uniten life with a bang!

final steps...

i dunno why i keep posting bout this, but somehow at this stage, it just seems necessary... you know, like it's "the thing to do"...

anyway, i'm talking bout me being in my final semester, sitting for my "final" final exams...

right at this moment, it's two down and one to go... =)

so it's just one more paper, one more presentation and one more thesis - all to be completed by the 30th of April which gives me about 3 weeks... after that, i'm done!

and you know what? at this very moment, as i'm typing away at my computer, i dun really want to be done. i don't. why?

that's a good question and i dun really have the answer. i guess the closest i could think of is - i'm afraid. truly frightened. afraid of the fact i'm leaving the security of being a student... afraid of taking up my first full time job... afraid of facing the harsh world out there... afraid of acknowledging the realities of life...

i've always not dealt with uncertainties well... just dun have the confidence or the courage to do so... every time i have a situation to face, i will have all the possibilities figured out... although i can't cover all possibilities to every event in my life, but i've done pretty much alright... you won't believe the kind of things that i imagine in my head all the time... and i'll always have the solution to every possibility... well, almost every possibility... there is always a chance where something comes and hits you from behind and just knocks you unconscious...

anyway, what i'm trying to say, i guess, is that i don't know wat to expect after this three weeks. i know my life will change. but i don't know how and i can't even tell the magnitude of the change. and this is bothering me. i guess 17 years in the education system has made me comfortable. and i dun want to leave this comfort zone. not now. not yet.

if only...

if only
you strummed the strings of my heart
if only
you sang to the tune of my soul
if only
you danced to the rhythm of my life
if only
you held to the silence of my thoughts
if only...

ps: if only i could continue writing this article, it might turn out pretty good... but i ran out of "if only"... =)

will i miss this?

well, i'm talking about the feelings running through me right now as i prepare for my final "final exams"... the normal feelings are there... you know... anxiety, nervousness, freaking out, not knowing what to expect, feeling tired although i've had more than enough sleep... oh yeah, and the feeling that anything is more interesting than my books right now... but, there are some new feelings added this time around...

relief? joy? excitement? sad? not wanting to move on...

i mean... this is it you know? after 17 years in the education system, i'm finally graduating! i'm moving on to a new phase in my life... you know what i mean?

(jason and kam - i know you two have moved past this... but, can you remember how you felt when it was your final "finals"?)

anyway, uniten has been good to me... had a few great frens, more than a few great lecturers...

anyway, i've just got another 5 days to my first paper... it's on a saturday... imagine that! so back to my books for the last time? i really can't describe the feeling going through me right now...